Putting you before me except after, let’s see

what’s worth all this fighting and control if what we fight for and try to control is extinguished the moment we die? of course, we should not give up on living an ideal of a good life, but is there a way to attain what we want without hurting others? in a similar fashion of lessening our environmental footprint, can we not take the same precautions towards that of our fellow neighbours? there are things i want in life and in order to get them i must put myself first. although, in doing so i feel like i’ve now become an obstacle in someone else’s pursuit. i question my self-worth and don’t see why i should value myself over another. progress cannot be made atop of faulty foundation. i guess i really should just take stock and invest it in a stronger framework. i know that where i’m going, there’s no need to rush, nor will i have to¬† cut in line. the finish line is marked, but the end is indeterminate. i might a well suck the life out of each second because that’s how long it all takes.

Dying as i have lived

do you know what you’re doing? i wish i could say yes, but no, no i do not. wait, what am i talking about? of course i know what i’m doing: i’m living. surely we all have a different opinion on what qualifies as living, but for me, as long as you’re breathing, you’re living. i know many would argue against this fact, but technically, to me at least, it seems like a self evident truth. now, what you do while you’re breathing, that’s a whole other story. maybe that’s what people mean by the statement, “get a life.” if it was like Mario world, heck, i would collect the hell out of those green 1 up mushrooms, but since this is not video game land, i’ll just live within myself. it’s hard to understand others when one cannot understand oneself. i seem to like things and not like things and so do other, yet i can’t find someone of which makes me feel wholly similar or comfortable. i might divulge personality to another, but that is in hopes to find reciprocation. alas, i’m left alone and wanting. for what, i cannot comprehend, nor does another. alone i was born, and alone i shall die. half knowing myself and those of whom i consorted with.

Speaking to self vanity.

i could write, or more correctly, being this the mode of this website, type continuously. but what would i speak of? what we all speak, words. i would arrange them in a way that makes sense to me and just do that. yes, there are tips to garnering a greater readership, but that comes with time. i’m sure you can employ tricks and falsities, but that’s like weight lighting with steroids. surely, you get results, but they are not true. i would like to apologize to fellow followers, and any skimmers, i do not use such tactics. instead, i express myself using my lack of wit and intelligence as a mode of catharsis, because i am vain. hey, at least i’m attempting to be honest with this virtuality, but more importantly, myself.

Playing with myself.

i did it again.
i can’t help it.
i’m with myself,
i had to do it.
it’s something i’ve developed.
i tried to stop,
but i can’t.
i just have to accept,
i play with myself.
my extended hand,
it’s motion,
deters an others grasp.
hey, i washed and
i was courteous about it,
why the apprehension?
oh, maybe i wasn’t clear.
but how can i be
when i’m solid.

Misguidance through bad judgment

excuse me for my pace, i’m slow. as for my vision, everything is a bit off center. i didn’t know that its all transitory. when i was young, everything belonged to me. as the years passed, and i grew older, i began to lose what i thought was mine. these losses expounded change as the only constant and i don’t owe a damned thing. for me, change has been a difficult thing when routine has become a habit of normalcy. i’ve been prolonged in accepting that things are not inherently bad, but the judgments i hold are bad. i cannot control the external, it’s just not in my ability or power. although, what i think i can control, and with that in mind, what happens outside of my sphere of choice is not for me to comment. sadly, i continue to comment which i’ve mistakenly turned into a habit. i speak garbage that unnecessarily pollutes, first and foremost myself, and than those around me. i must silence myself to let what is, be and act accordingly.