Backed up to my ears

i enjoy taking shits.
yes, it’s a vulgar,
but it relieves my body of
what is unnecessary.
much like the external waste
my perception takes in.
as much as i think i’m in control,
the amount of subversion
overwhelms me.
be that as it may,
my soul is so backed up,
i need a virtual life to
relieve myself.
still, i feel stuck.

Get your hand off my weiner.

Yes you read correctly. I was absolutely shocked by such an action. What disregard to ones own personal space. I was so offended that I lashed out. I freaked, but come on, who wouldn’t? It all started while I was at a baseball game. Surprise. I was about to take a bit of my hot dog when a pigeon decided to intercept my pass. Yeah, a pigeon, those flying shit rats needed extermination. Oh, did you think something else? No, my penis was fine. My uncle was taking care of that. I was more concerned with the 2$ I spent on a hot dog that was being attacked by pigeons. Ha¬† ha, that tickles. Easy with the nibbling.