Embarrassment caught in between

i’ve got something stuck
in between my teeth.
i think it was from a
meal passed, but
who can really tell?
maybe those that didn’t
say a damned thing
when talking to you?
forgive their embarrassment,
they were only trying to spare
themselves from admitting to
having actually been judging you.
but that’s okay, it happens.
what i can’t get over is
how they let me walk
around with my
pants zipper down?
no wonder it felt cool.

Starting an end to the beginning.

i knew it wouldn’t last. of course, with a remark like that, isn’t any wonder it didn’t? i suppose it is negative, but as far as i know, all things must pass. i knew from the beginning, whatever it was we were undertaking, trying to develop, it was just some rudimentary response. i didn’t know why you chose me, especially of all the likely candidates. i make ordinary look adventurous. reluctantly, i accepted your proposition, waiting in silence for the inevitable end. to start at the end, would be an end to the start. we are as much to blame for what happens to others as for what happens to us. i can attempt slander or spread disinformation, but such an act is undeserving, misguided and cowardly. my strife is my own and should not be called your name. patience has given you wings.

A gap wholly filled by divide.

i think, and feel, that i’m stuck repeating myself. my expression has slightly changed, although the words and images carrying my idea(s) have altered. i’ve learned and used new words and imagery, yet the underlying message has remained the same. there are only so many ways for me to say that what i’ve experienced seems absurd. of course i’m part of the whole, therefore, i too must be absurd. to complain about it is to criticize oneself. maybe i’m not attacking the whole, but the gap that is myself?

Crapping myself for civility

ever shit your pants?
i’m sure you have.
well, have you ever done such
a thing as an adult in control?
obviously, at this moment, i was not.
i graduated to underwear from diapers,
it seems to me that i needed more practice.
i was in the process of relieving myself of some gas,
when what followed, moisture.
no, it wasn’t just really warm,
it was in fact shit.
how could this happen?
did my body trick me?
i think i got careless.
on a positive note,
it reaffirms my belief that
i am an animal.
if it weren’t for this restrictive clothes,
i could be free to be me.
of course, that’s not civilized.
but war, torture and hate,
those don’t scream civility.
at least i know i can clean myself up.
other people, well, it’s up to themselves.

Feelings of happy anger

they say it’ll get better,
and i’m sure it will.
but what do i know?
i’m resistant to change,
i’m closed off from the new.
i repeat my daily rituals,
it’s my habit.
i’d like to think my feelings
but when i do, they seem irrational.
don’t get me wrong,
i’m content, albeit it be fleeting,
i do, however, find that i’m
quick to anger.
what a waste of energy.
but like i said,
my rituals are my habit,
and being unopened to change,
the anger remains.