No alpha, nor feminist

masculinity,
what does that
mean to me?
embarrassment.
being a male actually
makes me afraid
and doubtful.
portrayal of “alpha male”
tendencies, coupled with
the fear that males
are inherently dangerous
to a woman’s safety
makes me reluctant
to consort with women.
why?
i’ve heard stories,
from female classmates,
who have been harassed
by perverse males
while traveling by bus.
apparently they are
unaware of unwarranted
discomfort.
i’ve never considered anyone below me,
in fact, quite the opposite.
but with this new found insight,
i’ve taken a further step back
when dealing with women,
knowing that any good
intentioned act i attempt,
could be misconstrued
as a negative.
thus, i must guard myself
from misconception
because those before me
perpetuate an ideal
that holds no value.

Advertisements

Drawing experience a line at a time

Recently, I’ve slowly tried to re-acquaint myself with the drawing fundamentals, more specifically gesture drawing. My hope is to infuse my final characters with more dynamism and depth. I know that there’s a right way and a wrong way, but since art is so open ended, what’s right could be wrong and vice versa.

As I see it, art is a very large umbrella. Art, be it through equations or delineation, is just another means of expression. Granted, we all have the ability to express ourselves, but the way in which we convey meaning lays an artist. I’m having a difficulty labeling myself an “artist” when what I express and my mode of communication can be emulated by many. Heck, I’m probably stealing from someone right now and I don’t even know it.

Let’s add some dynamism and depth I’m practicing with. So this past Tuesday I had an elderly women accuse me of trying to knife her while I was at work. Keep in mind, I’m at my place of employment that is equipped with cameras, plentiful employees and roaming customers, everywhere. To make a long story short, I was handing my box cutter to a fellow co-worker when the woman accused me of attempted murder. Luckily, the police mentioned that they’ve had to deal with this specific woman before, do to their mental illness, that I felt a little more at ease.

This has been a hot topic recently, but I’d never been subjected to such an acute situation. First off, it scared me. Was she serious or not? Secondly, who does she know who can do me harm? Thirdly, how do I respond? I realize now that my response to the situation was just adding aggravation to the unstable woman. Lastly, and I hoped against, was having to defend myself. I know, from a 5″2′, at most, woman aged around 55-65 years old. Come on, who wants to knock out their own grandma?

Surely this is not a dynamic gesture drawing, but I hope it illustrates a difficulty I’m finding in categorizing myself, amongst many well-deserved and honored people true to the title of artist. I’m not an artist, just someone who appreciates those who are.