A touch of shame

i touch myself at night
because i don’t feel as guilty
during the open eyes of the awake.

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A touching understanding

i know that i should understand,
but i understand that i don’t know.
the back and forth
mimicking the
in and out.
the climax of truth
comes jutting out
in shame.
not sure why?
i’m compelled to the expulsion
of what i know.
it’s easy.
not to mention the feeling.
whoops, i’ve mentioned it.
but i’m guessing you’ve
already felt it too?

A nuturing chemically induced reaction

If experience is one a chemical reaction, therefore, life seems to be a volatile mixture awaiting the whimsy of scientific definition. Since I do not whole heartedly disagree with science facts as “truth,” I feel compelled to add and subtract my own chemicals to this unstable mix. The consequences being the results of latent ideals or pensive ideas, I’m fine with the personal sacrifices needed in hopes to finding something meaningful.

Gone live

So I’ve created myself a website. Besides being a school assigned project, it seemed like a necessary step towards the development of my professional career. Sure, I’ve signed up for Tumblr, WordPress, even Behance, but I figured the more┬ápublicity the better.

I made my site using Adobe Muse because Adobe Dreamweaver is to complicated for me. We were taught a bit of it in school, but it really just left everyone confused and scared of web design.

brandonradicdesign.com

Thought something, then didn’t

I thought I had something to say, then I realized… I don’t. Wait, I do. It’s just that it comes and goes so easily, I’m constantly juggling with items both there and not there. “Your way is therefore to manage this minute in harmony with nature, and part with it cheerfully; and like a ripe olive when you drop, be sure to speak well of the mother that bare you, and make your acknowledgments to the tree that produced you,” – Marcus Aurelius. I considered elaborating, but then I lost it.

Addition

I fear social media, but I’m trying to overcome this irrational fear by stretching myself thin. I have minimal work posted upon my Tumblr site. it’s a host of school photography projects, along with some personal works. These personal works, however, were completed in a time frame of one to two days. if they seem unpolished, that’s because they are. Concept over aesthetics is my motto. Judging from other purveyors of the social media sphere, it seemed necessary to mention other places of which I portray myself. I told myself I’d never whore myself out, but it looks like I can do it virtually without remorse. I plan to continue creating but that doesn’t necessarily translate to my virtual realms.

Who am I making this for? Myself, yet “others” are discreetly pervasive within my hopes. I’ll continue with my thoughts aloud when I please. I’ll leave now with a quote of which I find great pleasure, ” … there is nothing in the whole world madder than bringing matters down to the measure of our own capacities and possibilities” – Michel de Montaigne.

Toe in the water

I’m just seeing how cold the water is. I guess i’ve not properly warmed the water for people to submerse themselves completely, but to be honest, I don’t have the right type of heating for such a task. I think I’ll just run the heater once and a while so as not to lose function. Ultimately the heater is only for myself, and I do not wish to compete with the other products out there. If one person, besides myself, can feel the heat, then I’ve done my job. The job being to warm, but specifically the amount of people to be radiated upon, just enough for the minimal amount of out put. This is a virtual space and it is cold as all hell, although hell is warm, this embodies hell but at a frigid climate. Hell hath frozen over, yet no apocalypse trumpets its arrival. Better modes of heat are found else where. This has all been a test.

Second year complete, phew.

Just finished and feeling relieved, akin to, although less perverted and vulgar, as taking a shit. Nervous being part of my disposition, i was doubtful of my results, well with minor hope. There were things that I’ve completed over the school year that I liked and other projects that caused me grief.
I was called in, after my loose presentation of semester’s work, and my teachers made clearer, although known, my strengths and weaknesses. They’ve passed me, under the condition that I work on weaknesses. I’m greatful that they did that because I felt my weaknesses to be so poor that it would prohibit me from continuing one of my main interests life. The light they shed upon what I already knew was from a different angle, and one of positive criticism, which does not come from my self-talk. So although that I knew already where I needed help, their perspective and approach affirmed in me a glimmer of hope, that my doubt extinguishes.

Now, this blog has been a stepping stone in the sphere of social media, but I can confidently say that continuing this blog might come to an end. My teacher who assigned this project wrote that I should continue. And yes, I think it would be great practice and it’s a continuance of my learning, but what I say and have said, I feel and think is of no great loss to the greater whole. What I think and feel is something I feel is only relevant to myself, and to communicate it to another would be in vain. A vainity that both inflate and deflate my ego, which I think does more harm than good. I prefer not to pop nor to fizz out.
With all being said, I’ve decided to throw the penny my teacher gave me into the well, in search for a meaning in the ripples.

Seriousness deflated

This is a minor post, on the brink of re-posting someone elses work. Click the link and be transported to beautifully shot photography paired with equally suited typography. The humor is contrasted against the seriousness of the photography, adding to the overall appeal. Upon dissection of each composition, it’s clear to see design elements in play, ranging from the typeface choices and its colour to the position of the type on the photograph. It is one way of taking the edge off a knife and turning it into a banana.

Back from Christmas/holiday break

So it’s now back to school and judging from the project lists, they have begun to tighten the vice as soon as possible. Not even a week in yet and already the list is long. Aside from that, break was good, although never long enough. I will be altering my blog aesthetics because the display currently selected doesn’t allow for much cosmetic dressing-up.