change has hit me –
again and again –
it’s what it does,
but i resist.
sameness permeates my life.
others see change, where
i see staticity.
i run upon this treadmill,
each step no closer than the last.
adjust the settings, yet
i remain immobile.
shall i modify my run according
to the settings,
or,
should I take a step back
and watch the machine run?
i would not be:
the energizer bunny;
i work hard,
but i do not last.
i would not be:
a stallion;
i might buck,
but only a $6.50.
i would not be:
a stud-muffin;
bran, oat, and raisin
lacks attention.
i would not be:
the karma sutra;
regardless of position,
i go in all the same.
i would not be:
the BDSM;
i don’t think
pain is pleasure.
i would not be:
freely swinging;
more than one
is too much.
i would be:
give what i can;
to not strive
is to be selfish.
i would be:
put you first;
all the more reason
to come second.
i would be:
save room;
i like to eat
out for dessert.
i would be:
listen;
responding accordingly
to your body language.
i would be:
take any view;
as long as you
feel comfortable.
i would be:
never invade;
consent is
key to your lock.
finally,
i would be:
myself;
in hopes that
that is enough.
thoughts act as
steps towards
action, or
hesitation.
give weight to
your step
before another.
to do
without
thinking
is
thought
without
doing.
allow me to
point
you in this direction.
don’t follow my lead
though,
this is just what i’ve been told.
i presume scraps of truth
in what’s been said.
reason rests upon
fanciful belief.
belief and fact,
skewed,
impede judgment,
to which each slant levels.
distorted facts contort belief
towards irrationality.
i don’t know what i know.
difference is the foundation of inequality.
naturally different, equally constructed.
living stacked layers, sun closer for some.
value difference for the value of balance.
variation develops contrast of foundation.
improperly measured, equivalence falters.
the general marks rule, address the specific.
discrepancy accentuated through matter.
materials exist to only further separate.
that left unseen is the most beautiful.
there is protection
in distance,
but in the distance
brings pain.
loosely grasping the past
disturbs the present,
distorts the future.
how can one see ahead
walking backwards?
looking only to see
what’s past,
unable to live
now.
you’ve read this before
maybe not like this,
but in other words.
you think to yourself,
thoughts already.
deja vu reveals
of what you’ve
already lived before.
complete understanding
brings death.
by then it’s to late.
that’s okay,
because it’s going
to start all over again.
until it is
truly understood.
i don’t feel good
i have no where to go.
invisible pain
still leaves marks.
man-up,
they say.
i don’t know
what that means?
i am a man.
does that mean
that i’ve actually
been a woman
this whole time?
so i tried to
man-down.
but being
still a man,
i was
accused.
