Murdering a guilt free pee

I was invited to Dave Grohl’s place. I was ecstatic. The drummer of the band Nirvana and front man/creator of Foo Fighters had just phoned me, and personally invited me to his Northern getaway. Fuck it that it was cold where I was headed, I was going to hang with Dave Grohl. It was a quick and easy phone call that ended with me screaming with joy.
Okay, so I was invited. I headed off to this place. Easy enough. To be honest, I enjoyed his music, but I wasn’t a hardcore fan. Regardless, I’m not turning this down.
I arrive, and boy, it’s fucking cold. I thought I’d loose all my loosely hanging appendages. Luckily I didn’t. Dave comes running out of his house to greet me. He’s carrying a huge smile, while his friend walks pensively behind. He looks to be checking his phone. I take a look at him, but I can’t make out any details. He looks all blurry, as if Photoshopped by a gaussian blur.

Whatever. From my first impression, he’s an accommodating and gracious guy. Dave was too, but boy, he had some energy. That guy was really wound up and geared to go. We said our hellos and walked towards Dave’s place. Dave opens the door and walks instead. I follow. Were not even in there for a minute when Dave asks if I want to see his boat.

I really don’t like water or boats, but to be a thankful and respectful guest, I oblige him. I can see the boat from inside his house. His house backs onto an ocean, surrounded by jagged rocks and ripping tides. As I look towards the boat, I’m being feeling scared, mainly because I can’t swim and that current looks dangerous.

Dave grabs me and leads me out his house. Before his friend came with us on the boat, he stayed behind to make sure the TV was turned off. Well wouldn’t you know it. There’s these rickety 2″x4″ planks nailed together that stretch from land to boat, while underneath crash sever, blood freezing waves. With a current faster than a sports car. Sweet.

I run across. Fuck that, there’s no way I’m taking my time. Well, now what? I’m on his boat and it is, compared to what I had in my mind, not worth the chance of death. I’m ready to head back when Dave told me to be careful. The current is to strong  for me to swim out of if I fall in. Well, don’t I have to prove him wrong.

I purposefully fall into the water to prove to Dave that I’m strong enough to combat this icy current. Wow, I was dead wrong, without so much as being dead…yet. I would begin to move my arms and legs, but just freeze up. I would think, move, but my body would reply, no. Thankfully the current was carrying me landward. My vision and thoughts are blacking out.

I remember Dave and his friend rushing to help. So how, they were capable of over coming the immense freezing powers of the water. I didn’t question it. Christ, I couldn’t, that cold water was really fucking me up.

I come to, and realize I’m standing on a one foot wide ledge that overhangs off the rock face when Dave’s house is built. Strange, I’m not cold… I hope I’m not dead. Dave is talking to me. He’s glad to see me alright, but points out something he finds odd. I wonder what it could be, so I ask him.

Well, he tells me, usually when people fall into the water, there’s usually killer whales around to eat the person. He said he was surprised there were none around. Well wouldn’t you know it, as soon as he mentioned it, out of the corner of my eye, these fins began to pop up. Hey Dave, I’m seeing a lot of fins now.

He looked worried as he looked around. He asked where his friend was. I told him I didn’t know. It wasn’t till we heard the scream that we found out where he was. I turned my head and saw his friend being torn to pieces. It was as if he was caught in a blender.

That’s when I woke up. I felt so guilty that my stupidity cost someone their life. Yes, I know, I indirectly murdered a fictional character within my mind and I wake up with remorse. There was nothing I could do to resolve my mistake. So I went to the washroom to pee. I guess it was all the water that really got to me.

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